


If I asked....

by dreamerinheaven



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Charles is a Sweetheart, Communication is a skill, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik and Charles are very stupid and very in love, Fix-It, Getting Back Together, How Do I Tag, M/M, Post-X-Men: Apocalypse (2016), but also fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-02 23:06:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14555511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerinheaven/pseuds/dreamerinheaven
Summary: "Erik froze for a moment before turning around and looking at him, an unreadable expression in his eyes and Charles didn’t dare to look into his mind, scared of what he would find there if he did. Then, slowly, almost calculating, Erik made his way over to him and crouched down next to his wheelchair, so that now he was the one who had to look up to Charles. He raised his hand to cup his cheek in a gesture that felt gentle, almost loving."





	1. ...would you stay?

Charles was tired.

The school was barely rebuilt, thanks to Jean and Erik, and the children already had to learn how to fight. He already knew that he would spend the next days on the phone, trying to reach someone high ranking enough to yell at for invading the school and kidnap his ~~children~~ students and Erik’s calm presents next to him felt painfully familiar, no matter how desperately he tried not to get used to it. Because at the end of the day Erik would still leave ~~him~~ the school.

"The world has already begun to rebuild its arsenals.", he said softly, his eyes not leaving the little group around his sister. He didn't need to look at Erik to know the look in his eyes - some things would never change, no matter how many years passed.

"It's human nature, Charles." There was a tiredness in his voice, a weariness that broke Charles' heart all over again.

"I still have hope.", he simply replied. Yes, because it was true but also because he small, maybe childish part in him wanted that to be enough for Erik.

He heard a soft but humourless laugh coming out of Erik’s mouth and finally turned around.

Erik looked up at the ceiling, his lips curled into a smile and the look in his eyes almost gentle. "Ah, yes.", he mused before he looked aside towards Charles. "Hope."

There was a small part in Charles that couldn’t help but notice how it was still such a powerful thing being the subject of Erik’s full attention. There was an intensity in his eyes that made Charles, for once, feel like it wasn’t him who could look into other people’s mind and pull out their deepest secrets. Not that he would tell Erik about that. He had lost that privilege a long time ago. Also it would've probably been more than inappropriate, considering everything else.

“I was right about Raven.”, he simply said instead, a gentle, almost teasing smile on his lips, “I was even right about you.”

His heart clenched painfully when Eriks eyes found his. He wasn't sure if they looked at eachother for seconds, minutes or even hours – and a part of him found that it didn't really matter anyway. He could almost taste the conflict within Eriks mind.

 

_You weren't right about me. I joined him. I lashed out because I was in pain. I betrayed you. I hurt you._

_You just experienced a horrible, unspeakable loss. You still chose the right side eventually. You are a good person, my friend. I've always seen it and now you proved it to the rest of the world when you helped us to defeat Apocalypse._

_After I helped him rip the world apart in the first place._

_You were in pain and he manipulated you._

 

Erik softly shook his head, a pain-filled smile on his lips.

“What about the rest of the world?”, he asked, swiftly changing the subject of the unspoken conversation. “Doesn't it ever wake you up in the middle of the night?”

Charles cocked his head slightly to the side, a silent question in his eyes, unsure what exactly it was, that Erik was asking him.

“The feeling that one day they’ll come for you? And your children?”

Charles _felt_ the unshed tears in his eyes but he refused to break eye contact. “It does indeed.”, he simply said, searching in Eriks eyes for – for what? An answer that he didn’t want to pull out of his mind?

“What do you do when you wake up to that?”, Erik asked and Charles wondered if the honest curiosity in his voice was really there, or just a fragment of Charles’ imagination, something that he so desperately longed for that his mind tried to convince him that it was there.

“I feel a great deal of pity for the poor soul coming to my school looking for trouble.”

Even while the words left his mouth he knew they were exactly what Erik had wanted to hear. That Charles would still fight back with everything he had to protect the young mutants in his care. That he would be alright on his own.

That Erik could leave without risking him or the children getting shipped off into some lab.

Charles knew that and he hated the part of him that wished he had given a different answer. An answer that would’ve made Erik stay.

He already knew that this was a goodbye for an unsayable amount of time, but still -

“Are you sure I can’t convince you to stay?”

An honest smile spread across Eriks face, maybe the first he had seen in a very long time.

“You’re psychic Charles.”, he simply said, before he walked past him, briefly putting his hand on his shoulder, “You can convince me to do anything.”

Charles’ heart clenched painfully. That wasn’t what he wanted and they both knew it. Before he could stop himself he softly asked, while turning around: “If I asked…. Would you stay?”

Erik froze for a moment before turning around and looking at him, an unreadable expression in his eyes and Charles didn’t dare to look into his mind, scared of what he would find there if he did. Then, slowly, almost calculating, Erik made his way over to him and crouched down next to his wheelchair, so that now he was the one who had to look up to Charles. He raised his hand to cup his cheek in a gesture that felt gentle, almost loving.

“Of course.”, he whispered, his eyes locked with Charles’.

Charles didn’t need to be a telepath to realize what Erik was offering him. For once, he offered him to stay and the realization that Charles wouldn’t, couldn’t take his offer broke the telepaths heart. He knew that Erik truly would stay if he asked him to right now and he knew that Erik wanted him to ask.

But he also knew that Erik wasn’t cut out to stay at the school, not on the long run. And sooner or later he would start to resent him for that and Charles felt too selfish to allow that to happen.

So he simply leaned into Eriks touch, just for a heartbeat, and closed his eyes to compose himself. He needed all his strength for this.

For doing the right thing for Erik, for himself.

The unshed tears were burning in his eyes when he opened them again and he forced himself to smile. “Goodbye, old friend.”, he whispered and the understanding in Eriks eyes healed his heart and tore it apart a little bit more at the same time.

“Good luck, Professor.”, Erik replied softly, his thumb caressing Charles’ cheekbone one last time before standing up, turning around and walking straight into the elevator without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

For a moment Charles didn’t knew what had woken him up. It was still dark outside and he could barely make out the silhouettes of the furniture.

Then he felt a familiar presence at the back of his head and he sat up.

“Erik?”, he asked softly, his heard beating so fast it could as well have tried to jump out of his chest and into the hands of the man who was standing a few feet away from his bed, leaning against one of his armchairs by the fireplace.

When Erik didn’t say anything, Charles sighted heavily and pulled himself up in a sitting position before rubbing his eyes. “Erik, it’s –“, he glanced at the clock on his night table, “It’s almost three O’clock in the morning. What is so important that it couldn’t have waited until the morning?”

He paused. “Do you need my help? Is anybody hurt?”

“Yes.”, Erik finally said and Charles froze at the sound of his voice. He sounded tired, almost guilty.

“Yes, Charles, I hurt someone. I hurt someone in the worst way and I never – “He interrupted himself and despite the darkness in his room Charles knew that Erik was looking at him.

“ _You_ , Charles.”, he finally said softly, answering the question that burned at the tip of his tongue. “I hurt _you_ and I never properly apologized for that.”

Charles sighted and leaned a little bit back into his pillow that he had propped up behind his back. “Erik. It’s late. I already forgave you for Cuba, you kno –“

“I’m not speaking about Cuba.”

Now that was something Charles hadn’t expected. He turned the light on his night stand on to take a look at Eriks face.

He wished he hadn’t done it.

Erik looked worn out. Tired. Guilty. Like he hadn’t really slept since he had left the mansion and oh, how much Charles wanted to tell him _come to bed, darling, you look terrible_ but he wasn’t allowed to do that anymore, hadn’t been for years. Decades, really. And especially not now, after Erik had just lost his wife and daughter almost a year ago.

When he trusted his voice enough to not waver he asked: “Then ... what are you apologizing for?”

Erik took a step towards the bed, his eyes never leaving Charles’ face.

“Everything else.”, he finally said. “I’m sorry for not coming back after Cuba. I’m sorry for Paris. I’m sorry that I vanished afterwards.” He slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry that I chose Apocalypse over you. I’m sorry – “His voice wavered for a moment, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I loved you when I knew I did. I’m sorry for not staying when I know you wanted me to. When _ **I**_ wanted to.”

Charles looked down. His eyes were burning and he pressed them close, hoping it would keep the tears from spilling.

_I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I loved you when I knew I did._

_I loved you._

Erik had never said it to him, not out loud anyway. A part of Charles had known, back then, before everything had went straight to hell. Before Cuba. And Paris. And Cairo. And the whole mess in between. But actually hearing Erik admit it healed a part inside of him he hadn’t even know was still bleeding until now.

“Thank you.”, he finally said, his voice only a whisper because he knew it would break the moment he’d try to speak louder.

He heard Erik’s footsteps come closer to the bed and he finally looked up.

“Was there anything else you wanted?”, he asked and he knew how tired and worn down he sounded, but he simply lacked the energy to change something about that, not even for Erik’s sake.

To his surprise the other man nodded before carefully kneeling down next to his bed. “Please let me stay.”, he said softly and Charles felt his heart clench painfully.

“Don’t.”, he said softly, his voice finally breaking, “Please don’t say that if you don’t mean it, Erik.”

Erik didn’t answer immediately. Instead he raised his hand and softly caressed his cheek with his thumb. “Grief wasn’t the only thing that made me chose Apocalypse’s side.”, he said softly, his eyes never leaving Charles’ and the telepath didn’t have the energy or the willpower to look away. “It was also guilt. I loved Nina with every fiber of my existence and I loved Magda but…but when they died I felt so guilty because…because a part of me never stopped loving you, not even for one moment. Never.”, He emphasized, “Not once, ever since this stupid boy jumped into the harbor to save me from myself.”

Charles didn’t even care that he was crying. Silent tears were running down his cheeks and Erik oh so gently wiped them away.

“I know you’re scared I could leave you again, Liebling.”, Erik mumbled, “I’m not asking for your trust. I’m asking for a chance to earn it.”

Charles forced himself to take in a deep breath.

This was everything he had ever wanted to hear from Erik and more but that didn’t erase the crippling fear inside of him and the soft voice telling him that this was just way too good to be true. That Erik would be gone in the morning.

But still. This was Erik and he was Charles and maybe he was destined to be stupid when it came to him.

“Come to bed darling, It’s late and I’m tired. We will talk in the morning.”

_If you’re still here in the morning._

Erik gave him a small, sad smile before silently changing out of his clothes until he wore nothing but his underwear and a T-Shirt. He slipped under the cover next to Charles and wrapped his arms around him. They were warm and safe and Erik smelled just like Charles had remembered him to. He knew Erik would be gone when he woke up but still – he couldn’t help but cuddle up just a little bit closer to him, to breath him in, the man he was probably doomed to love for the rest of his life.

Destined, he corrected himself. Not doomed, never doomed. Because no matter the heartache, he wouldn’t wish his feelings for Erik away for anything in the world.

He was almost asleep when he heard Erik whisper something into his ear.

_“Ich weiß, du vertraust mir im Augenblick noch nicht, Charles. Ich würde das auch nicht von dir erwarten. Aber ich werde dir beweisen, wie ernst es mir ist. Ich bin dein, Liebling. Und ich bleibe.“_

Charles felt a soft kiss against his temple before he fell asleep.

_Please be here when I wake up._


End file.
